I can’t believe I’m half way there!!

Goodness I am so behind on posting updates. I don’t even know what happened…but I’m alive and I’ve made it to the half way mark! I’m just a few days shy of 22 weeks now. Praise the Lord! It’s still hard to believe it’s actually happening some days. Even though I feel my baby girl growing stronger, my belly getting bigger, and her beautiful nursery coming together, I just can’t believe it’s actually happening! I felt her first movement at 16 weeks and can tell she is getting stronger. Sometimes it makes me laugh. I love feeling her move, it’s just so wonderful! I always wonder what she is doing in there.

My last ultrasound was at 19 weeks and while we didn’t see our baby girl active during my appointment it was great to see her! She was all balled up with her hands by her face and her feet folded under her and sort of crossed like indian style. I sure hope she’s a cuddler! I really wanted to see her stretched out though.. maybe next time.  They did her anatomy scan and measured her organs, and arms/ legs, belly, and head. She was measuring around 10 ounces at 19 weeks which was so great because the bump app I use was saying the baby should be about 8.5 ounces. That was reassuring! We keep thinking she’s going to be on the smaller side because my husband and I were both 6 lb babies.

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Baby girl at 19 weeks! Seeing her precious feet was my favorite part. She was facing toward me so that’s why she’s turned the way she is.

Obviously it’s still too early to see who she looks like, but we are seeing her face resemble my husband and I think she has my lips/mouth area (my lips make a natural frown and she kinda looks like that). I dream of her having dark brown eyes like me! She’s going to be gorgeous and I just can’t wait to kiss her face!! My husband says he hopes she comes a little early so he can have even more time at home with her (he’s a teacher and gets the summer off). How sweet! With my due date being July 5th we could definitely have a June or July baby. My sweet summer baby! I can’t wait to take her to the beach for the first time (hopefully when she’s one)! It’s just all so exciting to dream and plan for her life.

I have been so bad about remembering to take pictures each week when my husband is home, as you can see I’m sporting some comfy sweatpants here and just took the picture to send my friend. I think of taking pictures in the morning after my hubby is already gone but selfies just aren’t ideal haha. Here’s my 21 week baby bump! 

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You can see a little peek of her decorations and gold decor behind me.

I saw my OB at 20 weeks and after being sick for nearly a week, I hadn’t eaten much due to sinus infection and a bad cough. I had only gained 3 lbs since my appt at 12 weeks. But I think I have really caught up now after I got better. I also started taking Nexium for heartburn and that little tiny daily pill has been a lifesaver! It’s category B for pregnancy and my OB said she took it during pregnancy as well. I was just so miserable and couldn’t eat anything without getting the burn and sometimes it would wake me up at night it was hurting so bad. I was taking Tums and Zantac but Nexium has worked so much better for me, and it’s over the counter now which is great. It’s so interesting how I’ve craved different foods at different stages of my pregnancy. I couldn’t even look at banana or a salad during my first trimester but I love them now. I’ve been eating Gala apples a lot lately, which are deliciously sweet! I’ve also been making smoothies for breakfast. There was one week (maybe around week 16) when I craved hotdogs with onions and mustard! I never eat hotdogs so it was just so humorous. I probably ate four hotdogs that week and now they don’t appeal to me anymore (thank goodness, haha)!

Her nursery is dark blue with white furniture and coral/ gold decor. I just love it so much! Her dresser came in this week but the lovely mirror was broke so we had to order another one and it should arrive in a couple weeks. We have ordered a beautiful light beige suede rocker/ recliner chair and I think when it comes in I’m just going to spend a lot of time hanging out in her room! I had been searching for the perfect coral colored curtains to match her solid coral  bed skirt and I finally found them on etsy! I can’t wait to get the curtains and then I’m going to make a choice on a rug I’ve had my eye on at Overstock.com. I just can’t wait to see how everything pulls together. Sometimes I find myself just standing at the door of her room and soaking it all in. I just love it!

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 I was thrilled to get her dresser this week! I constantly go look in her room.

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 Her crib sheet is gold polka dots.. adorable!

I don’t think I have announced my baby girl’s name, which will be…drumroll…Savannah Elizabeth! I’ve always loved Elizabeth but it became even more special to me as Luke 1 was a passage I returned to many times during my period of waiting (about Zechariah and Elizabeth having John). I lost my first baby December 14, 2013 and my second baby April 1st, 2014. God gave me a special gift of being 12 weeks at Christmas this year, it was really wonderful! We both loved a handful of girl names but my husband loved Savannah the most. I’ve decided I will call her Vannah baby! I love that her name starts with an S like mine. 

A lot has happened since my last post.. My dear friend Jessica’s mother suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. It has been so difficult as you can imagine. My heart just weighed so heavy for her grief, pain, and shattered dreams. We are still praying and waiting for her miracle baby. Could you say a prayer for her? She will be doing her IUI in just a couple weeks. I’m trying not to get overly excited but I know it’s going to happen I just hope it happens soon. Believing God for big things.

That’s all for now. I will try to update more frequently because I know one day I will love looking back on my posts as well.

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I have a big announcement to ring in the New Year!

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I’ve been meaning to post an update, but haven’t taken the time to with the holidays, traveling, and so much celebration happening. First things first, my new OB is soooo wonderful! She is truly an answer to my prayers (and a miracle I was accepted as a new patient)! After our second loss I felt as though I needed a whole new experience and office to visit. I actually haven’t met my new OB yet, I saw her NP for one appointment, but then she took the time to call me after my appointment and go over a few things with me. During my appointment I had asked about the frequency of ultrasounds and after some reassuring I left my appointment without an US. The first thing my OB told me when she called was that she didn’t ever want me to feel nervous or anxious so she would have the nurse call me tomorrow and schedule an US! WOW, how compassionate and thoughtful of her! She also mentioned that she miscarried before having her first child so she understood my concerns. She referred me to a high risk doctor to make sure I didn’t need to take lovenox shots- he was also wonderful and told me he didn’t think I needed them with my family’s history and that I may take them post-delivery because I would be more at risk for a clot after delivery. So since my 10 week appointment when I “graduated” from seeing my RE, I have been blessed with two more ultrasounds. That has truly been a gift to us!

During my appointment with the NP she told me about a test called the Harmony Prenatal Screen (which I had never heard about before), and it checks for Down Syndrome (Trisomy 21) and Trisomy 18 and 13….and also GENDER (with more than 99% accuracy)! The blood work can be done any time after 10 weeks and it determines the gender! Well you can guess that I did NOT turn down that opportunity to find out early! So as Christmas was approaching we had hoped the results would be back in since my appointment was the week before. I was so excited because my family was also going to be surprised at Christmas that I was expecting! (Besides my mom, I hadn’t told anyone else in my family). It was easier to keep it a secret because they don’t live in town. My in-laws on the other hand had known the whole time. They actually “accidently” found out because my mother in law saw a picture of the digital pregnancy test on my hubby’s phone (HA! What a great story to tell). Then she had to wait about 8 weeks before they told anyone else.

Okay, I know you’re dying to know now… we didn’t get our results back before Christmas but we did get them a few days later and I was so shocked when the lady on the other end of the phone said “IT’S A FEMALE FETUS”. My heart had been racing while I was on the phone with her. I couldn’t believe it! A baby GIRL!! My hubby and I have been referring to the baby as a girl the whole time…saying her and she. Now this was actually happening! The funny thing about all of it is that when I got pregnant the first time (Oct 2013) I prayed that God would help me love the baby just as much if I ended up with a girl. I wanted a boy SO BAD. I had loved on my two nephews and all I could dream about was a boy. Then something happened in my heart about 6 months after that prayer and all I could think about was a GIRL! So here we are, celebrating our precious princess and so many answered prayers this year. 

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I can’t believe I’m here- 13 weeks!

So after getting that special surprise phone call (which I had also expected to take a few more days) I had to wait ALL day for my hubby to get home! I definitely wanted to tell him in person. After work and some other things I rushed to party city and purchased a pink tablecloth, pink candy, pink balloons, and pink confetti! My mom had gotten us baby boy and baby girl clothes for Christmas (so fun!) so I got to decorate the kitchen table with some of my favorite baby girl pieces she gave us. I anxiously awaited my hubby’s arrival that night and I turned out all the lights so when he came in he wouldn’t see right away. It was so much fun for me to be the one surprising! His reaction actually wasn’t what I had expected because he was so shocked and caught off guard that the results had come in. He was mostly speechless.. but I knew his heart was doing backflips! We are going to name her Savannah Elizabeth, a name we have both loved for a while now. Elizabeth is from Luke 1 and that passage of scripture became really special to me as God gave me some specific verses while we were waiting for our miracle baby!

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Don’t mind my cake decorating skills.. My husband’s family came over and we surprised them with the gender. Total opposite of a gender reveal party! 

My appointment with the high risk dr this week was so wonderful because we spent a while checking out the baby and watching her turn around and getting some great pics. At first her feet/ bottom/ legs were facing us and she was as still as could be, holding her feet together (which is now my favorite picture!) then she turned her back toward us.

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I debated on purchasing a dopper, but I’m actually really glad I did. I’ve already used it several times just to put my mind at ease and it’s really great. It’s fun for me to find the baby’s heartbeat! I did try one night and it sounded like I found the heartbeat but it wasn’t showing up on the screen so I just had a little snack and tried again and I was able to find it right away. When my doppler came and it was PINK I was thinking hmm GIRL? because there are many colors the doppler comes in but when ordering you just get a random color.

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I’ve been feeling pretty great with the exception of frequent headaches. Around 10 weeks my appetite decreased (it has been a little better this week) and at times I had to force myself to eat something so I didn’t get sick. I only got sick and actually vomited one day. I’m so thankful that I haven’t felt terrible the whole time! I still get nauseous and have to eat something every few hours. I think I’m starting to feel less fatigue as well. I’m just really looking forward to the second trimester and actually beginning to think about making big purchases and putting the nursery together.

If you are still waiting for your miracle baby in 2015, please comment because I would like to pray for you! God tells us that NOTHING is impossible with him. So if He has placed a desire in your heart for a child, I pray that this would be the year that you hold that precious babe.

We have a healthy, vigorous baby!

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Our baby at 10 weeks, 2 days!

I can’t seem to stop saying, I CAN’T BELIEVE IT… I guess after enduring two losses it truly is a challenging thought to believe that things are going great! I’m not sure I will ever sleep well the night before my appointments; last night I was up for two hours anxiously awaiting to see the baby and worrying myself. We have prayed for this precious life; begged the Lord that with each appointment the baby would measure as it should and have a healthy heartbeat! Today we had the blessing of seeing our baby wiggle around! It was so amazing, if I had it on video I would watch it over and over. The dr said the baby was very vigorous with a heartbeat of 164! ❤

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The baby had its arms up by it’s face, which was just so adorable! 

I have been blessed with not having any major nausea, food aversions, and sore breasts. My nausea has definitely peaked the last few days and smells have triggered dry heaving (yuck!), which also happens if I get too hungry. And oddly enough, my food aversions have really kicked in this week as well. Many foods I ate toward the beginning of my pregnancy I cannot even think about eating now! One blessing is that with all of my pregnancies, I have immediately hated the taste of coffee, which is so odd because I love it so much. I’m so thankful to NOT have the temptation to drink coffee. My fatigue has lessened some, which had peaked around 7 weeks. My symptoms have come and gone at times and now I can actually rest in that being totally normal. I have felt less bloated this week which had me worried at times. I did go purchase two new bras last weekend so now I can actually breathe! 

I “graduated” from seeing my RE dr today, and I told her I was really going to miss being her patient. I have felt so well cared for; she asked us to send her a picture when the baby comes. I know my other OB will be great too so I look forward to finding out what my remaining appointments will look like. Today we are rejoicing over our healthy, growing baby! 

I can’t believe I made it to 8 weeks!

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 Our baby at 8w2d!! Look at those arm and leg nubs!

I have been so tired I guess I haven’t had the energy to post an update in two weeks! I started feeling the fatigue at 7 weeks, so I have been sleeping about 12 hrs at night and taking naps when I am able. I had another great ultrasound today at 8w2d, and our little baby is now taking human form! It resembles a gummy bear! (I have thought about gummy bears all day now)… The heartbeat was 174!!! I still can’t get over that! Of course I was slightly afraid it was “too fast,” but the dr said it was fine and I’m sure at that rate it will plateau now. I have also put on a few pounds and I should try to slow it down but I haven’t figured out how yet. Sometimes I’m up at 5am starving and just can’t go back to sleep so I make my way to the kitchen for cereal, yogurt, or anything else that sounds good. The nausea has not been terrible (I actually don’t mind it, because it’s a good reminder for me) and usually it’s very short waves when it comes, but I try to avoid getting really hungry because that is when I feel it the most. I also think I might need bigger bras soon, which I just really really dreaded. I have been tender in the chest area; most days nothing too terrible. I just don’t want to be so big at the end that I’m terribly uncomfortable. Oh well, I’ll worry about that when I get there!

From here I will have another ultrasound in 2 weeks with my RE dr and then I will start seeing my regular dr (who I actually haven’t even met yet, but have heard amazing things about her). I have only seen her NP. It is an answered prayer that I was able to get in with this new doctor because she is only accepting a limited number of pregnant patients each month. My RE dr said that if I was feeling worried and my ultrasounds were too far apart then I could give them a call and come in. That really put my mind at ease because I was afraid I would go from having weekly ultrasounds to not having my next US until around 18 weeks and two months would be HARD to go without one.

The day after my 6 week appointment, Jessica lost her baby and it just crushed us both. We really thought this was going to happen and we would get to do this together. Another friend of mine from church lost her baby the same week. It was a really rough week. So many tears. But I am proud of Jessica because she is not giving up and I hope we are pregnant together again soon!

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On another note, I am about to make my first B-I-G prepare-for-baby-purchase and take a leap of faith and purchase a crib that’s on sale at Pottery Barn (I’ve never actually seen things on SALE there before). With the sale and my 10% off coupon it would be $360 ($600 originally) and it also can convert into a toddler bed which is so ideal! It’s actually a “low-profile” crib for short people like me! At 5’2, I had a difficult time getting my nephews in and out of their cribs. The crib is about 4 inches shorter to the ground; doesn’t sound like much but it would make a big difference for us short people. The baby room (okay it’s an odd feeling actually saying that) is dark blue and I decided I wanted white/cream/tan colored furniture and accents. I also found a round rug I really like, but might hold off on purchasing it because I just picture it being in a girls nursery. If it’s a boy I may want something less girly? 

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Our 6 weeks, 2 days baby’s heartbeat!!!

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I’m in love!! Due date July 5th!

Quick little update on my first appointment today!

Rejoicing and praising our Yahweh God for this precious gift and many answered prayers today!!! I got a little sick this morning when I hadn’t eaten (all my nerves) and opened the refrigerator door; I was just so thankful for that reminder before my appointment, since I really have been feeling so great and symptom free!! I was really nervous before my appointment, cried right as we were pulling in, but then it was ALL smiles as soon as I got to HEAR our baby’s heartbeat (123 bpm!). It was the most amazing thing! I was able to see the baby’s heartbeat with our first, but not HEAR it, so that was just really special!! I will be having weekly ultrasounds for now until week TEN (gosh I just wonder what that will be like to make it that far)! There is one small fluid/blood filled area that has separated and is outside the sac, so my doctor said they would keep an eye on that, and that it may cause cramps and bleeding when it resolves on it’s own. Say a prayer for me because I know any sight of spotting will freak me out, even if I have been warned. That’s it for now…Can’t wait to update again in ONE WEEK!!

My first ultrasound is tomorrow…

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I  have waited for this day for what seems like a whole lot longer than just 18 days, which is how long it has been since my positive. It feels like it has been at least a month! Ask me how I feel from one hour to the next and I will probably give you a different answer. I’m terrified, I’m worried, I’m hopeful, I’m prayerful, I’m peaceful….no, I’m worried! This is what is has felt like for the last 18 days. What an emotional roller coaster. I have felt so guarded and unattached to this baby, that now I’m feeling slightly guilty for not loving it like I loved my two other two babies. I just have not allowed myself to actually believe that I could get to keep this baby. A week after I found out I was pregnant, my pregnancy symptoms disappeared (frequent urination, food aversions, gagging spells, bloated, tender breasts). ALL GONE. I called the nurse and they assured me that everything was in fact FINE and that this was totally normal. But you know what that means to me? Absolutely nothing! My two previous pregnancies tell me that no symptoms = no baby, and I cannot get that out of my mind. What do I have this time that I didn’t before? Progesterone and aspirin. And I wonder if that will make the difference between life and death. I’ve only survived these last two weeks with the help of my husband, friends, and the grace of God. I pray that tomorrow we do in fact get to see a wonderful heart beat and that our baby measures just as it should. And then I get to have another ultrasound at weeks 7, 8, 9, 10. Thank you Lord for that gift! I will see my RE doctor up until 10 weeks (oh what it would be like to make it that far!) and then I will switch to my regular doctor. I found a new obgyn and I’m soo thankful that I was able to get in with her. I was told she is taking a very limited number of pregnant patients per month and they weren’t sure if I could get in with her. I’m so thankful just to have a new office to go to that do not bring my bad memories fresh to my mind. Yesterday was the first day that I felt a little excitement mixed with nervousness. We lost our first baby the week after we saw the heartbeat, so I really would just like to make it to 8 weeks! I just keep telling myself that despite the lack of symptoms I’ve had, I have not had any spotting or major cramping. I did have cramps about a week ago that woke me up in the middle of the night but thankfully those cramps went away after 10 minutes.

I’m hoping to post an update sometime tomorrow, but may not have a change to until Thursday. Appreciate your prayers for this baby!!

 

Drumroll please…

 

 

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Stephanie and Jessica, October 25th, 2014

Sometimes God writes stories that are so beautiful you just CANNOT keep it to yourself! I cannot believe I’m actually about to type these words…I am in fact P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T!! It’s still very surreal and I have felt a hundred emotions over the last 5 days! I found out on October 24th, being 10 DPO. It started with the faintest of faint lines that I continued to “study” over a few hours and also reading reviews about super faint positives for that particular brand (I’m still laughing about that!)…. And to think I almost dismissed that first test but decided to take a look about 20 minutes later! I started sending pictures to a few close friends who have gone through similar situations and had them study it too!! We had so much fun, haha! After taking an internet cheapie test, I went out and had lunch with a friend, went to Target and got the clear blue tests (plus sign and digital kind too!). I really considered going back into Target and using the bathroom there, just in case I felt the need to go straight to my RE, but then I just really did not want to remember that being the place I found out I was pregnant LOL!  I even thought please Lord don’t let me run into anyone I know while I’m purchasing these tests! 🙂 I had forgotten my doctor’s office had closed at noon on Fridays anyway, so it all worked out. I rushed home (I’ve never been so excited to purchase pregnancy tests OR get home to take one!) I took the clear blue (plus sign) one first and again, suppperrrr faint line. BUT IT WAS THERE! (It’s kinda hard to see in this size picture).

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YAY!!!!! WHAT I REALLY AM?!

I waited a couple hours and took the digital!! I was really expecting the digital to say NO at this point, even if I was! I’m so glad I took it that day, because I was able to call the dr. after hours and she called in my progesterone right away. Praise God! That made me feel sooo much better immediately! I was not on progesterone or aspirin for my two previous pregnancies, so it just really helps to know this one is “different.” I went in for blood work twice this week and got my second results today. My HCG did not double fully, but it DID go up 70% so I think I am okay with that. The nurse told me “Dr. said it looked good.” I’ve also realized that even if it had doubled, I would have still worried and wondered just the same!! My first ultrasound is scheduled for 6 weeks 2 days which is when they like to check things out. That will be on November 12th! I’m super excited about that (and maybe a little nervous about making it there), but it also feels like what in the world will I do for the next two weeks while I wait?! AHH! Now I see how challenging this whole thing is!

That’s part of the story! Want to hear the rest? It’s amazing…So my friend Jessica (who I had originally started this blog with) found out she is PREGNANT TOO, just two days before I did!!!! I still cannot believe that either. Wow, what a L-O-N-G week last week seemed. I had prayed very specific prayers for Jessica, and God answered all of them!! I prayed 1) she would NOT have to do the IUI in November 2) She ovulated despite those stupid tests saying NO and 3) That when she found out, it would be a HUGE surprise, and only ONE test! ALL of those prayers were answered! Because she never got a LH surge, we didn’t think it was possible, and then when her period was many days late, she decided to take a test on a whim (and still does not have a single symptom!) Which is just hilarious with all the symptom spotting we’ve both done over the past few months!

After my second loss in April of this year, Jessica and I had decided that we really really wanted to be pregnant close together, and here we are LESS than TWO WEEKS apart! Can you believe that?! We serve such a loving and mighty God! By the way, Jessica got to see her baby’s heartbeat at 5 weeks and 5 days!! Praise the Lord!

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A few months ago, I had three different people in my life that had specific dreams about me being pregnant!! Two friends and my mom (two of the dreams involved a baby GIRL eeekkkk!!!). God has whispered and led us with his promise of a child through the dreams, verses, and other details. The day before I found out, God gave me Hebrews 11:11 (I’m pretty sure I made a post that day, so it’s documented, how wonderful!) “BY FAITH Sarah herself received power to conceive, even when she was past the age, since she considered him faithful who had promised.” I’m still holding on to that verse, because especially now I have to press into the faith part! I have a friend who is now six months into her pregnancy, and she had been praying that I would be pregnant before her baby shower. Would you believe her baby shower will be just two weeks after I found out I was pregnant!! I could go on and on about the details of answered prayers that took place. We serve a mighty, loving, strong, and redemptive God!!! Since my husband is a teacher we prayed for our summer baby, and guess what my due date will be the first week of July!!! (Our first baby was also due in July). God hears and answers prayers asked in faith! I’m trying to rejoice in this wonderful time and cling to his promises for us. I can’t wait to make it to my 6 week 2 day ultrasound appointment to see this strong baby!

Now I know you’re wondering if I had any symptoms before my positive. The week before, I knew I was making more trips to the bathroom, but I was really trying so hard not to symptom spot so I dismissed that (apparently that can happen before implantation?!) I even told my husband, “this is really crazy I keep having to run to the bathroom every 30 minutes.” I also seemed to be having more heart burn than usual (still do now), but I didn’t let myself think anything of that either. The day before when I was 9DPO I had kinda given up the idea of this being THE month. I just wanted to get off the emotional rollercoaster, because after about 7DPO I start getting verrrryyy inpatient!! That made it even more of a sweet surprise! Oh and I did rush to my husband’s work the day I found out so I could tell him and not have to wait until when he got home super late that night! Then I got to watch him coach for a little while during practice which I just really enjoyed because it reminded me how good he is going to be with our child! It’s just really cute and exciting to see his reactions to all this happening. I love it!

That’s all for now 😀 😀

-Stephanie

Wondering what I’ve been up to?

This month has been filled with so many fun trips and things on the calendar, that I have been looking forward to posting an update. 

First things first, my dear friend Jessica just found out she is expecting. God has answered all the prayers that I have been praying for almost a year now for her. I really feel like my heart may explode over it all!!! The best part is it was not expected at all and came as a total surprise. It was her last cycle trying on fertility drugs before planning her first IUI the next month. So just imagine our excitement! Jessica and I started this blog together but it kind of became just my blog. But she helped me have the courage to start it.

For those of you who read my last post about things I wanted to accomplish while I am waiting, you would be so proud of me! I finally got motivated enough to go shopping for decorations and curtains for our guest bedroom, then I finally decided on a paint color I liked. All this when I knew we would be gone three out of four weekends this month, but I was so excited and anxious to get it done that I found a way to get it done.  I absolutely loved how it turned out. At night with only a lamp on, the color is so warm and comforting, I love to hang out in there and read or work.

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I found the curtains, pillows, and decor at Home Goods. The orange pillows matched the paint color exactly; I was so happy about that. I already had the green and orange blanket, which is handmade from India. 

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Last weekend my husband was on fall break (perks of being married to a teacher!) and we always go to Blue Ridge, GA for a long relaxing weekend in the mountains at a Bed and Breakfast. This year we stayed in the most beautiful cabin! It is overlooking a small waterfall and the sound truly lulls you to sleep at night! We had the best time just enjoying our time together and being surrounded by 90 acres of pure beauty. 

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Does this look like a fairytale? It pretty much is!

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Enjoying the cool breeze and a cup of hot chocolate! 

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We walked with the precious woman who runs the Bed & Breakfast to feed the fish on the property.

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Just soaking up the gorgeous fall breeze!

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And yes, fall break must include Smores!

I’m currently toward the end of another 2ww. I don’t have a good feeling about it, but Elisha over at waitingforbabybird has encouraged me to keep trusting and believing. I have decided that if this is not my month, I am going to go and purchase a little something for my future baby! I know fully that God has spoken that he will give us a baby. He gave me another verse- Hebrews 11:11 “And BY FAITH even Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children BECAUSE she considered him FAITHFUL who had made the promise.” God is faithful, he never fails us. The hard part is waiting, but I truly believe it with all my heart! I also recently purchased a beautiful decorative mirror for the nursery. It was so beautiful I could not pass it up. I think I decided I wanted the mirror to go on the wall above the crib, so I haven’t hung it up yet. A few months ago I painted the future nursery dark blue and recently decided that for either gender, I will get cream/tan decor and furniture (hopefully!) and some sort of a bright colored rug. Now doesn’t that sound beautiful! Ahh I can’t wait!

Oh and yes, I decided to give my blog a makeover, isn’t it so pretty?!! 🙂

With love,

Stephanie

My “while we wait” to-do-list

 

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Because I love baby feet

This season of  w – a – i – t – i – n – g  is wearing me out, mostly because October 2013 was the month we conceived our first baby. I really had hoped that by now I would have another baby growing. I thought that October would be our third cycle trying after our second miscarriage, but it has only been two cycles. That’s because my cycles have become past 35 days, for the first time in my life, so it sure seems like it’s been three cycles. Must be stress 😦 I don’t think we will prevent this next cycle, but I am going to try and “take a break” by not using the fertility friend app where I keep track of everything (you can put it on “pause” which is really nice) and *trying* not to worry about when I ovulate or not (we’ll see how this goes in a few weeks). I’m going to pray that this month I don’t FEEL ovulation, therefore I won’t KNOW I’m waiting. One thing I am PROUD of myself for is that this month, I didn’t symptom spot at all, and the first half of my cycle I didn’t know what cycle day I was on! That might seem like a small victory, but I’ll take it. I also only used ONE opk this past cycle, just because it felt good to see a positive. But I’m not going to use them at all anymore. 

I’m trying to come up with a list of things I can do while I wait and I’m hoping that some of you will hold me accountable. I need to post pictures next month if I’ve actually done it.

-Dust off my sewing machine. I stopped sewing after my first miscarriage. I’m not sure if this is because I mostly made baby gifts, but I haven’t picked it back up. I do have a really special friend that is about four months along with a boy so I want to make her something blue.

-Since we moved in March, I still have one more bedroom that I really need to paint. It’s an aqua color now and I’m just tired of looking at it. I think I’ve decided on a burnt orange color for a rustic look.

-Today I’m going out to buy some navy blue SHEETS. Sheets are expensive and I’ve wanted some navy blue ones for a while now. We have other dark blue décor in our bedroom. The bed feels cozier to me when the sheets are dark colored because it darkens the room a bit at night.

-Make at least one crock-pot or soup dish a week, because that’s my favorite thing to do this time of the year.

-Read some books I’ve been wanting to read or re-read. By the way if you haven’t read One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp I think it’s one that most Christ followers would enjoy. Her writing can seem choppy but the underlying themes and lessons are good for the soul. It helps your mind focus on all the gifts you already have in every day life that we all miss most of the time.

-Walk at least three times a week. I should walk everyday, but sometimes I just don’t get motivated, but I always feel better when I do.

-Take one or two bubble baths a week. I’ve been pretty good at this lately. I like to light candles and listen to uplifting music. I always feel better afterwards.

-We really need to go furniture shopping for a new couch and loveseat. We looked once and I found some fabric couches I liked, but my husband wants leather and I didn’t see a single leather couch I liked! I don’t know when this one will get done because there aren’t a lot of options here for furniture shopping. My family lives in Knoxville (TN) and my mom or step-mom said they would go with me. This is the first time I really haven’t felt like shopping for something. I don’t like making big purchases.

-Getting new tile and a countertop to replace our current pink counter in the bathroom. I think I have my tile picked out, now I’m just waiting for the guy who is going to do it to put us next on his list (eeeeek!!) Right now there is carpet in front of the sink/vanity and hotel looking tile where the toilet and tub is. We’re going to replace all of it. Can’t wait! 

-Possibly get LASIK, which I have wanted to do for a long time and have always thought it would be a good idea pre-baby so I’m not up in the middle of the night crawling around looking for glasses. I’ve put it off because I don’t like being operated on in any way, but my optometrist has encouraged me to get it done. How will I ever give birth if I can’t have my eyes operated on for a few minutes? LOL

I think this is a pretty good list for the next couple months. We will also be out of town two weekends in October for trips I’m excited about, so I know that will help distract me. Maybe that’s what helped me get pregnant last October, the first month we stopped preventing, despite being so stressed during my internship in grad school. For the last several years we have gone to a bed and breakfast in the mountains during my husband’s fall break from teaching. A lot has happened since this time last year. Sadly, I didn’t get to truly enjoy finishing school since I miscarried the day I graduated. 

 

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I love fall!

I am proud of myself for decorating a little for fall. Small things like this can be hard to enjoy when you’re so wrapped up in WHEN you will ever have a baby! I can’t remember what my life was like before I asked God to give me the desire for children. I could have cared less about having a baby and now it has taken over my life. Sigh. 

Wait child, Wait

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I had to include this just for laughs!

Yesterday I was at the Sears auto center getting something fixed on my car, so I took my “Hannah’s Hope” book with me, which I hadn’t picked up in a while. I read most of it in one day. Then there comes this poem and I had to hold back the tears right there in the Sears auto waiting center. That just seems like a strange place to be crying! The Lord spoke to me through this poem because I know the contents of it are found to be true. I hate it at the same time. Because waiting just plain sucks! We want what we have set our hearts on, and when it’s not happening we wrestle with the truth of God.

One thing you may not know about me, is that I had a brother named Craig and it’s been almost 7 years since his passing. He had just turned 24 and we were less than two years apart. I think one day I might introduce you to him if I can pull my pictures out. All that to say, I know that God works in DARK seasons of our lives. I never thought that miscarrying twice would be my next BIG trial.

If you are still waiting for your miracle baby like me, I hope you enjoy this poem as much as I did!

 

“Wait” by Russell Kelfer

 
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, “Wait.” 
 
“Wait? you say wait?” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I’m claiming your Word.
 
“My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I’m needing a ‘yes’, a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign. 
 
“You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:
I’m weary of asking! I need a reply.” 
 
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, “Wait.”
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting for what?” 
 
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
 
“I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You’d have what you want, but you wouldn’t know Me.
You’d not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint.
 
“You’d not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there.
You’d not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.
 
“You’d never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
 
“The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
 
“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I’m doing in you.
 
“So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait.”